The proverbial “they” in all their worldly wisdom have been know to say, “you can’t choose your family”. I’m sure it was many, many years ago that “they” decided this was the case, but in this day and age we are all aware that is not “exactly true”.
You choose your mate, you choose when and if to have children and you choose whether to keep mate or child. I myself was a child given up for adoption. I spent time in foster care before being adopted, chosen, at age of 2. The family was older; there were already 4 children, all considerably older than I was. Rumours of why the family adopted me swirled; another try at raising a better child, adding a girl to a predominantly male family and some less seemly. These are things I’ll get more into later.
My being adopted was never a secret. I knew the word from day one in my new home. From what I was told, when the father asked if I wanted to come home with them and put his hand out to me, I took it fearlessly and went off with them, with all the innocent trust of a child, taking with me my blanket, my bear and only a couple of other cherished toys.
There are very few photos of me as a toddler, and absolutely none as a baby. I miss those as I watched my own children go through those stages, desperately looking for the similarities, having myself grown up without any “family” resemblances at all. What a happy day it was the first time I heard how much one of my own babies looked like me.
My adoption seemed to be a good enough reason for parties in my new home; and for new family portraits. A big church christening was my welcome into the church community. Lots of “aunts and uncles” to be met and passed around to, and of course, the dreaded kiss so-and-so goodnight before heading to bed. So innocent to the future to come and so unaware of the pain to be suffered and the repeated feelings of abandonment.
Oh my dear “they”... family can so be chosen. And un-chosen.
I've come to realize that blood doesn't necessarily make for a close bond. Neither does a shared name. Truth be told, I have a much closer feeling of "family" to my very good friends the Tooth Fairy, Design Diva, Pie Man and his wife and a few others than with those who claim to be my family by either blood or contract. (no, not meaning Big Daddy....he's one of the reasons I got through this year)
Family has always played a big role in my life. I've always felt like I needed the closeness and craved the acceptance. Sadly, until I choose my own family, it was never forthcoming.
So, precious, fictitious and fabled "they"..... you most certainly CAN choose your family....and it has made all the difference in the world.
