So, just to clarify.... some people, for reasons unbeknownst to me, happen to find extreme humor in my immense embarrasment and discomfort. Sadly, I appear to be an easy target. Oh, if you know my family....please, PLEASE don't bring up KY Jelly..EVER!
That being said, I spent the day with Toothfairy today. She treated to a free McDonald's coffee while we toured Home Hardware, Dollarramma and WalMart for Christmas craft ideas. Everywhere we went, people asked her "why aren't you at work??" as if she was skipping third period. She almost go us banned from Walmart by scaring the CRAP out of a staffer in crafts (her parents also had the good taste to give her my name, so she was really spooked when Toothfairy called to me while standing mere centimetres from the poor woman) Apparently Wally World doesn't appreciate patrons making the staff jumpy.
So, as to jumpy (spoiler allert) we returned to Toothfairy's house for lunch and I sat at the kitchen table only to see an envelope marked "Rattle Snake Eggs" peeking out from under a book. I asked what Umma Gumma was doing with rattle snake eggs; Toothfairy said "oh those are old. Haven't you seen them before? Have a look." I shrug and begin to gently pull the envelope out from under the book and closer to me when all of a sudden it begins to shake, rattle and move. I shreek, jump out of my chair and sprint (those of you who know me, can you actually picture me sprint??) back 10 feet to the living room. As I peek around the doorframe I hear hysterical, riotous laughter. Umma Gumma is killing himself laughing from behind their bedroom door. In fact, he is laughing so hard tears are streaming down his face. Toothfairy is also snickering. Inside the envelope was some contraption of springs and stuff, specifically meant to zero in on naive, innocents such as myself! Aparently my entertainment value tickled him for hours and hours as he continued to laugh himself silly. Well I never!
On my way home I stop at my friend Deputy D's house to drop off the key I had while watching their critters last week. I watch their animals most every time they are away..... despite the high number of fatalities. I am not kidding. They joke that I am cursed, and I am terribly frightened every time I enter their house. The first was the hamster that got free of his luxurious habitat. Next was a tank full of fish that were all belly up on my first day. Then there was the ancient Hedge Hog that I had to wrap up and put in the freezer for burial at a later date ( had to poke her several times to be certain she wasn't just sleeping). Lastly was the cat. I walked in and thought he was laying on the mat waiting for me...until he didn't move when I walked in...or called him, or poked him. That one was the hardest; I lost it. Thankfully my neighbour has experience in a vet clinic, so between sobs I told Big Daddy to go fetch her; she helped me clean up and bag the kitty and we put him in the deep freeze.
Deputy D came back from her time away with another puppy...her son was teasing me by saying the puppy was dead simply because I had touched it. Deputy D told him to behave, as I was likely watching the pets before Christmas....at which exact moment the puppy chose to growl...and everyone howled in laughter.
I figure I got the last laugh though....chocolates and the elusive Crystal Skull vodka with matching glasses!! Damned rattle snake eggs....
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