I am sitting here enjoying a delightful little Late Autumn Riesling from Inniskillin and a grossly runny creme brule. Well at least I have until Friday to perfect the creme brule. Thankfully my weekend baking turned out ok, at least 16 was very excited about the lemon raspberry cake. And both Banana loaves are gone.
Quitting.... I quit therefore I am; Quitting wrinkles the soul; if you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit, no use being a damned fool. Ah, there is a point to my rant.
I'm sure most of us have quit something in our lifetime. Quit a job, quit smoking, quit a relationship, quit a club, quit reading something that bored you.... you get the picture. Anyway, as to quitting relationships, I believe that is one of the hardest quits we ever face. One of the hardest relationships, IMHO, is family, and generally speaking there is no choice in who your family ends up being. Unless, of course, you are the one chosen by your family (thinly veiled reference to adoption). It's a nice idea, being "chosen" but really only if the choosing was unanimous. When said choosing is not, it can lead to years and years of bitter resentment and pain and the hardship of not belonging, or not knowing where you fit.
January 25 was 9's birthday, and it was also the day I quit my family. I got a pass from the hospital to come home for dinner and cake with 9, 16 and Big Daddy. I was grateful, but of course the nerves were crazy. Big Daddy had picked up dinner at the restaurant of 9's choice, but before we could eat, Nana showed up. I thought it would be a short visit because of my limit time, and while 9 was pleased to see her and grateful for her present, I was anxious at having people around. It got worse though. Nana started talking about a bridal shower that was held for Eldest Niece ( daughter of Sister from Hell) and surprisingly, I had no recollection of the shower because I wasn't invited. I shouldn't find this a problem, as SFH lives 5 minutes away and we are never invited to anything, not Christmas, not Thanksgiving, not Easter,,, NADA. Nana of course spends all the holidays with SFH.
Now, there is a chance that perhaps Nana didn't realize what she was dropping a huge, emotional bombshell in my lap...but I was far too upset to want to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. When I got back to the hospital, I messaged Oldest Brother who called me back. His wife and grown daughters had come here, to town, to attend the shower, and hadn't given a second thought to my not being there. They simply assumed I had chosen not to attend or send a gift. ( yes, I can be a bitch, but one thing anyone who knows me knows oh so well that mama don't abide by bad manners) Then he made some comment about the next part being awkward, and asked if I had received an invitation to the wedding. Of course not, why on earth would that have happened??
See, what makes me the most angry is not that SFH has managed to exclude me from this, she didn't want the parental units to adopt me in the first place (she was very vocal about it every chance she got) but that not one single "family" member stood up to her for me, not even one. So I said fine, I quit. If I'm not wanted I won't be there. I then called Nana, advised her not to come visit the next day as I was too angry and I then told her I knew all about being left off the invitation list, and that I quit. She gave no argument and no other comments, so I hung up.
That was January.....this is now April. I have since removed all contacts from my cell, facebook, email etc. I guess I am nothing if not thorough. Big Daddy has been telling me for decades that these people were not worth the heartache they continuously inflicted on me.
Sorry, guess this wasn't the most humours of blogs....but...
It's odd that you can get so anesthetized by your own pain or your own problem that you don't quite fully share the hell of someone close to you. (Quote by - Claudia Lady Bird Johnson)
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