Mystical Universe Riddles

So today started out well enough..... I woke up, and there were no grey hairs (none that had come uncoloured anyway), I didn't fall down and hurt myself (or stand up and hurt myself as many of you know I am actually prone to) and basically I felt pretty good.  So I decided to fold laundry and pile it up for everyone to put away.  And with the intention to follow medical advice of not overdoing (such as I had on the weekend and paid for dearly) I proceeded 1 basket at a time, watching old Harry Potter movies as I did.

I really did start out with the best of intentions....but we know what is said of the best of intentions.  And so mine did (go straight to hell) with every passing of the open doorway to 16's room. Why, oh why is  it that a teenager must have a bedroom floor obliterated by piles upon piles of clothing??  Why must there always be empty cans and bottles, dirty dishes and such?  Why must the bed be in a constant state of unmadeness?  Why do I  always expect the next time to be different; that it will remain clean and tidy, the clean clothes making it to their rightful place and the dirty ones being put in for washing?

And so, feeling  that I would not be a dutiful mother if I didn't do my utmost to assist my daughter who is soooo busy with school, part time job and lifeguard training? So in I bravely go, where it clearly looks as if no mother has ever gone before, armed with empty laundry baskets and a bundle of hangers and a desire to do a good deed.  I place all her precious to be hung items on hangers and lay them on the space I have cleared on her bed ( I'm not a saint, I won't do everything for her, she can damned well hang them up n'est ce pas?), I pick up the empty bottles and can and place them in one of the couple of dozen different shopping bags from any of the numerous stores she likes to frequent, and I begin the arduous task of gathering up the dirty(may not have started dirty but as soon as she dumped them on the floor who is to say).  Several baskets later and I could see the floor.  Yipeee!

I would love to say that she was speechless with gratitude, that she was wrought with worry that I had over done it, that I had caused myself terrible pain to my body with all of the bending and scooping and lifting.  I would really love to say that..... but sadly that was not the case.  Apparently, in the perfect world of a teenager, good mothers suffer in silence, and don't loose sleep over trifles such as messy rooms and dirty laundry.

Did any one else know that a chore schedule, cute stickers and rewards would actually get chores done???  It is absolutely amazing.....except of course it doesn't extend as far as bedrooms.

And seriously.......where do the socks go??

I don't know shit about shit, but I know right from wrong! E. Brockovich

I am sitting here enjoying a delightful little Late Autumn Riesling from Inniskillin and a grossly runny creme brule.  Well at least I have until Friday to perfect the creme brule.  Thankfully my weekend baking turned out ok, at least 16 was very excited about the lemon raspberry cake.  And both Banana loaves are gone.

Quitting.... I quit therefore I am; Quitting wrinkles the soul; if you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit, no use being a damned fool.  Ah, there is a point to my rant. 

I'm sure most of us have quit something in our lifetime.  Quit a job, quit smoking, quit a relationship, quit a club, quit reading something that bored you.... you get the picture.  Anyway, as to quitting relationships,  I believe that is one of the hardest quits we ever face.  One of the hardest relationships, IMHO, is family, and generally speaking there is no choice in who your family ends up being.  Unless, of course, you are the one chosen by your family (thinly veiled reference to adoption).  It's a nice idea, being "chosen" but really only if the choosing was unanimous.  When said choosing is not, it can lead to years and years of bitter resentment and pain and the hardship of not belonging, or not knowing where you fit.

January 25 was 9's birthday, and it was also the day I quit my family. I got a pass from the hospital to come home for dinner and cake with 9, 16 and Big Daddy. I was grateful, but of course the nerves were crazy.  Big Daddy had picked up dinner at the restaurant of 9's choice, but before we could eat, Nana showed up.  I thought it would be a short visit because of my limit time, and while 9 was pleased to see her and grateful for her present, I was anxious at having people around. It got worse though.  Nana started talking about a bridal shower that was held for Eldest Niece ( daughter of Sister from Hell) and surprisingly, I had no recollection of the shower because I wasn't invited. I shouldn't find this a problem, as SFH lives 5 minutes away and we are never invited to anything, not Christmas, not Thanksgiving, not Easter,,, NADA. Nana of course spends all the holidays with SFH. 

Now, there is a chance that perhaps Nana didn't realize what she was dropping a huge, emotional bombshell in my lap...but I was far too upset to want to give anyone the benefit of  the doubt. When I got back to the hospital, I messaged Oldest Brother who called me back.  His wife and grown daughters had come here, to town, to attend the shower, and hadn't given a second thought to my not being there.  They simply assumed I had chosen not to attend or send a gift.  ( yes, I can be a bitch, but one thing anyone who knows me knows oh so well that mama don't abide by bad manners) Then he made some comment about the next part being awkward, and asked if I had received an invitation to the wedding.  Of course not, why on earth would that have happened??

See, what makes me the most angry is not that SFH has managed to exclude me from this, she didn't want the parental units to adopt me in the first place (she was very vocal about it every chance she got)  but that not one single "family" member stood up to her for me, not even one.  So I said fine, I quit.  If I'm not wanted I won't be there.  I then called Nana, advised her not to come visit the next day as I was too angry and I then told her I knew all about being left off the invitation list, and that I quit.  She gave no argument and no other comments, so I hung up. 

That was January.....this is now April.  I have since removed all contacts from my cell, facebook, email etc.  I guess I am nothing if not thorough.  Big Daddy has been telling me for decades that these people were not worth the heartache they continuously inflicted on me.

Sorry, guess this wasn't the most humours of blogs....but...

It's odd that you can get so anesthetized by your own pain or your own problem that you don't quite fully share the hell of someone close to you. (Quote by - Claudia Lady Bird Johnson)

Satisfyingly Busy Saturday

 I woke up this morning with some energy and the determination not to waste it. So,  up I got, donned my rubber gloves and filled a bucket with hot water and bleach.  I headed down to the front foyer, pulled apart the hall closet, bagged up the items that no longer fit any of my family members, scrubbed the floor, put back what was being kept and moved onto the rest of the entryway. De-clutter has become my favorite catch phrase around here.

  I feel that de-cluttering is going to simplify my life and  clear away any excess ..... what to call it .... energy?  shui?? Anyway, maybe spiritual house cleaning is even required as  Pie Man's Wife suggested to me.  She and I visited  a place several years back to get some white sage (wrapped up like a big fat doobie) to smudge at their apartment because of some spirits in residence.  So maybe I'll take a trip to that store and find some smudging herbs for myself.

Anyway, so my energy was still up enough to make a lemon raspberry bundt cake and two loaves of banana bread after dinner. 16 came home from her 1st exhausting day of the weekend.  Teaching swimming and then attending classes for her lifeguard training.  She will sooooo be passing out when she gets home tomorrow night from day 2.  Plus it appears she has picked up some extra classes to teach.

9 spent the late afternoon and evening at her best bud's dad's place, and of course the typical attempt to finagle a sleep over, which was quickly and expertly waylaid by us parents.  9 was absolutely bouncing out of her skin when she got home, but the crash came quick as I knew it would. I myself am actually feeling my own crash begin.

Now, I have yet to be given ANY INPUT on what recipe to try next.  So I have been left to make my own choices.  I am going to start with the 10 min Tiramisu....looks yummy and only 6 simple ingredients.  I'm also going to do the Rustic Salmon Quiche...Big Daddy likes  salmon and likes quiche.  If these turn out, I will share the recipe and photos.

Well, night night all.  I'm going to have some tea and watch the end of Skeleton Key.

The Disappointment is in the Pudding

 Do you know why there are holes in Canadian Swiss Cheese??  They are caused by gases, which dilate the cheese body before it becomes firm.

Happy Hump Day y'all!!!   Do you have any idea what kind of sick perverted images come up on the screen when you google Hump Day??  Wow the intenet can be a dirty dirty little place.

So I tried the pudding today...no thickening at 1.5 hr, not even at 2hr.....so, let it sit in the pot, and it's still a non thickened smelly liquid with rice on the bottom.  I am soooooo disappointed.  I love rice pudding and was so hoping this would be such an easy recipe.  Oh well. 

To curb today's disappointment, I decided to make use of the phylo pastry I just happened to have thawing in my fridge, chopped up some apples and made two "strusel" type things and an maple apple galette kind of thing. I guess they are okay, but I think they were missing something.  I'll need to practice more.  I've never played with phylo before.

I had horrible bad dreams last night.  This is odd, as I adore horror movies...they make me laugh even. ( except for some reason Signs with Mel Gibson, it really made me uncomfortable.  Wanted to pick up the tv and put it in the freezer until I wasn't freaked out again.  How You Doo'in?? ) 

 Big Daddy thows off enough heat to be his own furnace, so I was feeling way too warm and went to lay out on the sofa with my "relaxation" music on the ipod.   Ipod dies; not charged, so I'm left laying in the dark and quiet.   I started to get these flashes of light behind my closed lids, kind of like  quick flashes of computer code or some dumb shitake mushrooms.  I opened my eyes and for just a split second I'm sure someone was standing over me.  Some crazy reason leads me to believe it was a woman. 

I of course freaked out and ran back to the bedroom and woke up Big Daddy who told me nothing was there and everything was fine.  ( I'm 5 right?? did you check under the bed too daddy??)  I quess it took a few hours for him to get me to fall peacefully back to sleep.  9 wandered into our room around 5, unable to sleep because she wasn' t feeling well, and she tells me Big Daddy practically begged her not to wake me up because of how long it took to get me back to sleep.

Tomorrow I have another councelling session with a really nice woman who comes to the house once a  week to talk to me about my feelings.  I was kind of rude and bitchy last week, which was right after being released from the hospital.  Those who know me know I can be bitchy, but rude, well mama don't abide by rude.   So I will humbly apologize and do my very best to behave tomorrow.  Guess if I realized I had behaved badly, perhaps the new meds might be working

Now, comes the decision of the next recipe to try.  And I'm asking for input on this. I will give options from different catagories.   First I have an appealing looking  "rustic salmon quiche".  Then there is a delectible looking  "10 minute Tiramisu".  Next is a "Pomegranate Martini" (yes, I had to throw in some kind of adult libation) Or, one of  the many roasted vegetable recipes I have..

Okay, folks, that's it.  Give me the input as to what I should try next... I have stacks of choices and I think it'd be cool to go through all of them.  Seems very "Julie and Julia" but I assure you it ain't.

And I shall leave y'all with this little nursery rhyme of old.  You may just learn something about yourself based on the day you were born  (LOL).  And if  you wonder, I was born on Mother's Day   ;)

Monday's child is fair of face,

Tuesday's child is full of grace,

Wednesday's child is full of woe,

Thursday's child has far to go,

Friday's child is loving and giving,

Saturday's child works hard for a living,

But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day

Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

Sleeping Ugly

Did  you know that being called low man on the totem pole is actually a compliment (or should be)?  It has always been believed that those of least importance sit at the bottom, while in actuality  a counterargument frequently heard is that figures are arranged in a "reverse hierarchy" style, with the most important representations being on the bottom, and the least important being on top.   Kind of makes you go hmmm eh??

The election hasn't been  going on for very long, and yet I am sick-to-death of all the negative ads.  I've never been a fan of them, even dating as far back as the cola and burger wars.  I'm not sure if I dislike them more than the visual pollution of multiple signage in small spaces, or a sign ever two feet...

So, as part of my illness, sleep is a HUGE issue.  I've gone as far as 40 hours between sleep, or slept for extended periods of time.  And when I'm in a big sleep...waking me is impossible; it's like being knocked out.  I know someone is trying to wake me, but it just doesn't happen.  Doesn't matter if I sleep well at night, I still need a sleep in the day.  Doesn't matter if I sleep all day I can still sleep at night.  Worst is when I can't sleep at anytime and then I crash.  I feel like I miss out on a lot of things, and so much of what I need to do goes undone.  I really think it effects 9 the most.  She has actually expressed worry over the sleeping and tells me she misses me.  That SERIOUSLY hurts.  Anyone who knows me, knows my girls are MY LIFE.

That being said, I've made arrangements for 9 to have someone to talk to.  You know you're in trouble when your elementary school aged child tells you she's stressed.  I feel like a broken record, but with her ADHD she takes some things so much more serious than a child without exptionalities and she holds onto things (memories, good or bad, promises, kept or broken, and grudges) for such a loooong time.  Anyway, I'm hoping that talking to a neutral party will be of benefit.  If not, well I won't force the issue.

OK....so here is where we begin with the recipes.  I'm organizing them now as I watch the "real" Karate kid.  Tomorrow will be rice pudding (HUGE LMAO to anyone who knows the humour here).  It's an Indian recipe,  made with Basmati rice, milk sugar and cinnamon ( also cardamom and pistachios which I will not be using out of personal choice).  It's cooked very slowly on the stove top to make the milk rich and creamy.  the recipe also recommends addition at serving of either Indian gold leaf shreds or a sprinkle of rosewater for authenticity in taste.  Again, I believe I shall pass.  And I know, many are likely saying "then why try a recipe if you are going to omit so many of the ingredients???"   Well, even though cooking is very much a science, it is also based on personal tastes, and since taste is in the mouth of the beholder..   ;)

Any of you who have a bithday in April??  If so, I found this little "ditty"  just for you.

She who from April dates her years,

Diamonds should wear, lest bitter tears

For vain repentance flow; this stone

Emblem of innocence is known.

~Anon

Happy Crafty Monday!

So not only do I continue to date things 2010... I honestly began to name this Happy Crafty Tuesday..  LOL

Hobbies can be good; they can keep you busy.  So today I decided was as good a day as any to return to my crafting ways.  Well, ok, not just today, I have been working on organizing it so I can start.  So today, after having spent a few days organizing, I started.  I've made some thank you cards (tomorrow I am planning on starting some Easter cards), began designing and painting a decorative bird house, a mini basket that I can only describe as like an old fashioned milk man basket, except in wood, and a garden stone for 9's flower garden.

****thought interruption as I stare at the bizarre Mini Wheats commercial to the tune of "In The Navy" with actual characters looking like Village People...good grief! *****

So, a trip to the dollar store  for some additional supplies for the Easter Cards, some canvasses, smaller for 9 to pursue her artistic talents, (which is believed to be quite helpful for children with ADHD) of course her own brushes too and then some larger canvasses that I have some ideas for.  I also put together a paint collection, carrying case etc for her too. I like to encourage 9 to do whatever appeals to her (within reason for both cost and safety ).  She is super psyched about horse riding camp  that is being run by the YMCA (2 weeks and it was her absolute favorite last year.  Again, I think it's one of those therapeutic type things for kids like her.  I'd never seen her so excited about a camp before, and I would have sent her all summer had it been offered.

Poor 16.... I have been holding back on sharing certain tid bits because she keeps threatening to beat me (I'm serious, she is considerably taller than I)  but I simply cannot help it.  I'm not sure how many of you know that 16 has been going through all the courses needed for teaching swimming lessons, and of course lifeguarding etc.. and she works for Pie Man's Wife (I could call her my favorite cup cake maker too, but meh  lol).  So anyway, several weeks ago she was getting ready on a Friday night for classes on Saturday morning.  She was in the shower, shaving her legs (Oh how mortified would she be if she knew I was sharing this)  and she slipped.  We heard a bang and then her angry utterances.  I yell out to find out if she's ok, and of course the surly answer is NO!  I go running in (thankfully my trusty ankle was not betraying me this time)  and grab the towel for her.  I look in, and the soap dish is smashed..yes smashed and she has a 2 inch gash on her right cheek (the lower one) and oh my heck is it bleeding.  At the ER all 16 can worry about is stitches.  She doesn't want stitches in her bum, she doesn't want stitches period..  So they used glue.  To me it didn't look like it took too well.  And it didn't.  Stubborn as she is, 16 decided she didn't want to miss her classes, so she taught.  We used a special waterproof bandage given to us by a helpful nurse.  Removing it hurt like hell, and removed any of the remaining glue.  Big Daddy's big laugh comes from repeating his joke that there goes 16's career as an a$$ model.

Now just a couple of weeks back, Pie Man's Wife asked 16 to volunteer for  a lifeguarding competition.  Of course 16 said yes.  We received a call far earlier than expected from Pie Man's Wife to explain why 16 needed to be picked up early.  It seems that the lifeguarding team didn't take that oath "first do no harm".  They banged the back of her knees into the edge of the pool and then as their piece de resistance they whacked her head off a wall.  Poor 16 felt like crap for the next few days, and needless to say, that team did NOT win.

Anyway....it's time for some sleeep I think, especially if I can somehow manage to get Big Daddy to quit the damned snoring.  It's shaking the walls for goodness sake!

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air? Can't live can't breathe with no air.

Ok. so anyone who has been reading my blog knows I've been very VERY laxed in updating.  The reason is that I have been fighting health issues; mental and physical health issues.  I've been keeping a journal to try and record my feelings, but some days exhaustion, pain and frustration keep me from doing it.  I've had a hard time, bad time and as Big Daddy tells me, I need to take my recovery one breath at a  time.  So, maybe I can share each breath, or some of the easier ones to share, here in my blog.  No, it's not going to be a soapbox kind of thing, or a tell-all therapy session.  Some of it's funny, some of it's sad... and some just make me extremely exhausted. So, onward and upward.

Asthma.. (from the Greek άσθμα, ásthma, "panting") is a common chronic inflammatory disease of the airways characterized by variable and recurring symptoms, reversible airflow obstruction, and bronchospasm.^[1] Symptoms include wheezing, coughing, chest tightness, and shortness of breath. In 2009 asthma caused 250,000 deaths globally. (thanks Wikipedia)  So Friday at and Saturday down to the ER at KGH I go * dragged actually by Big Daddy because I've had my FILL of hospitals* because of my stupid asthma.  Two nights in a row for goodness sakes. (really where on earth does that saying come from... it's like oopsie daisy or holy cow)  Anyway, two nights in a row suck if you're hanging out at the ER.  Looking at the stats of asthma deaths in 2009, don't you think 4 hrs is a very long wait for someone having an asthma attack??  I wheezed, coughed  and Oh, did I mention the overwhelming sense of anxiety?  Have they not read that anxiety can trigger shortness of breath and tightening of the chest?

*** thoughts interrupted by my incredibly ANNOYING next door (basement) neighbours. Banging doors and God only knows (another of these wierd little sayings) what else to my incredible ANNOYMENT. I noticed they were smoking (and NOT your normal cigarettes if you get what I'm saying)  and so I actually took my water bottle and threw water against the vines that divide their area in the basement from our back yard.  I suppose I can blame it on my mental  illness, but seriously, they just piss me off too much on a regular basis.  ;)   ***

Anyway, obviously  I survived the asthma issues as I'm writing this now.  But seriously.....  FOUR HOURS???  I should have just turned blue and they would have taken me faster ---- nah.

So, Simply Irresistible ( little known 1999 Sarah Michelle Gellar movie that I watch literally every time I see it is on)  is on tv right now.  Did you know that when a man is playing with his belt he is thinking about sex?  And that it seems that they, on average, think of sex every 4 minutes??   And did you also know that the only thing that tastes worse than blue cheese and dirt is rum raisin?

Did you know that you can actually injure your ankle simply by standing up??  TRUST ME, I've done it twice now, most recently last week while I was in the hospital.  My friend Geologist  Man finds this extreeeemly funny.  The first time it happened was at work, in the office next to his.  I was on a call, stood up and the pain was unbelievable.  I actually sat in the office, door closed of course, crying for 20 minutes and unsure of what to do.  Any movements made it hurt even more.  Now Geologist Man gets so wrapped up in his work that I wasn't certain he would hear anything I threw at the wall to get his attention.  I finally got myself up and back to my desk.  I called the admin assistant and asked her to come to my desk and to bring an ice pack I kept in the office freezer (it's common knowledge that I am a big klutz....and awkward oompa loompa if you will) and as she as  putting the ice pack on my ankle, or trying to between my flinches. One particular flinch was followed by a not so nice 4 letter word which then brought Geologist Man from his office.  He took a look, decided he needed to take me to the hospital and then laughed the whole way there about having to fill out the accident report, and doing the illustration of how I injured myself by falling off the desk, drunk out of my mind (I wasn't, but you must understand that is his sense of humour).

Well perhaps that is enough for tonight.  OHHH..except I forgot to mention that I have been decluttering, and as such, I have gone through YEARS worth of magazines, pulled out the recipes I wanted and recycled the rest.  So as I try all these recipes, and more as I find them, I shall share with  all  of you....if there is an all of you even reading.   Did you know that the secret to a superb meringue is corn starch???   And if anyone has a vanilla orchid they don't want..I'll take it off your hands!

hugs and cookies!